If this is so, you'll have to take it upon yourself to find other means to get closure for your own mental health. Not everyone receives closure. Fortunately, other options can help bring some relief and peace to you as you accept the ending of a relationship and begin to move forward in life. The end goal is peace, so finding closure on any level is a win.
Here are some ways to bring yourself some closure when you need it. It could be a 'goodbye' letter to that person, and you can say everything you weren't able to. The important thing here is that you get those emotions out. It's entirely up to you whether you send the letter. But, by writing everything out, you are releasing any sad and negative energy.
Doing so can facilitate your healing. Crying is one of the best ways to release difficult emotions. Crying isn't a bad thing because, once you're done, you are often more likely to feel better afterward. It is hard to lose people in your life, and it's even harder to try to mask those feelings. Let it out and when you're done, let it go. Doing things alone can be so empowering. Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? Try it once, and you might realize that you enjoy your own company.
You don't have to ask anyone what they have a taste for, share anything, wait to order out of consideration for your guest, or pay for anyone but yourself. Long gone are the days of silent shame when going out alone was seen as a bad thing.
Table for one, please! Hobbies are enjoyable and stress-free. So, find something that brings you peace and happiness. So, whether you like to color, paint, get pedicures, or shop, find something that makes you happy and do that. Hobbies are great distractions and great for your mental health. When you're doing something that makes you feel good, it's like giving yourself a gift every time you engage.
The reality is that, with or without closure, the relationship has ended for one reason or another. While this may be a hard pill to swallow, face it head-on. In time, with proper coping methods, you will recover. The person will feel a sense of closure and be able to move on, even if the conclusion is incorrect. As can be expected, the intensity of a person's need for closure depends largely on their personality. People with intense needs for closure are often used to being in control and prefer life to go as planned.
These people are distressed by the idea of uncertainty and may tend to be more closed-minded. Their sense of security and wellbeing often depends on structure and plans. Conversely, people with low needs for closure tend to be more creative and open-minded and are more willing to "go with the flow. They are also more likely to enjoy spontaneous activities and keep friends who are unpredictable.
To determine where someone's priorities lie, there is a Need for Closure Scale, or NFCS , which is comprised of 42 items and has been used in many studies and translated into multiple languages. The NFCS evaluates people based on two factors: their decisiveness and their need for order. To provide a more accurate representation of someone's personality, the scale was condensed back in down to 15 of the original items found on the NFCS.
Those who score higher on the NFCS are considered to be more conservative, which can also correlate with political and social conservativism. Some people also have a need to avoid closure. The need to avoid closure is born from a person's desire to avoid commitment or confrontation. In other words, someone avoiding closure doesn't want certain questions answered. They might be afraid of what they'll learn.
However, there is also the non-specific need to avoid closure, which is the fear of receiving the answer to a question, regardless of whether the answer would have a positive or negative effect.
After a breakup, only you can give yourself the closure that you need. But how do you find closure when you don't fully understand the reason for a relationship ending? It can be especially difficult to move on from someone else's decision. This is why closure is difficult to obtain after death as well. To achieve closure after a relationship ends, you must be able to understand why the relationship ended and learn how to no longer feel any emotional attachment to, or pain and anger toward the other person.
Only when the closure has been achieved can you form new and healthy relationships, both with yourself and with others. We need to know the reason for relationship ending because we understand our lives as a story, and it's difficult to give a story a proper ending when it ends right in the middle — and we weren't the ones to end it. Kristen Hick specializes in dating, relationship and post-relationship growth and recovery. She has experience in the following issues that co-ccour or contribute to relationship issues: Trauma, Abuse, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression including postpartum depression and bipolar disorder.
Mallaree Blake specializes in pregnancy, infertility, and postpartum health and wellness. She also has experience working with clients around sexuality, sexual health, relationship issues, and LGBTQ and cultural identity issues.
Before scheduling your first session, CSIP offers a free initial phone consultation up to 20 min. During this conversation, together, we will determine whether our therapists will be able to provide the services that will best meet your needs. Center for Shared Insight is a safe place for clients and families of all ages, genders, cultures, religions, sexual orientations and walks of life.
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Enhance your relationship with yourself and with others. Give Yourself Permission The days, weeks, and even months following a breakup are a time of mixed emotions. Write a Letter This age-old remedy for all sorts of relationship problems works here too.
Recognize that Closure Comes from Within While we do believe that we need the input from the other person to have true closure, the real truth is that closure comes from within. D proposes the following questions when she suggests that we are responsible for our closure Brenner, : What or whom are you holding onto? Does holding on truly make you happy, or are you hanging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been, instead of how it actually turned out?
Are you using this "holding on" as an excuse to stay stuck and unresolved? In other words, is dwelling in the past taking you away from moving toward your future?
Are you trying to avoid dealing with loss and the void that loss creates? If you're willing to let go, what does that really mean? What will you have to do? If you find that the explanation is that your partner is choosing to end the relationship to begin another, you may find closure straight away without further explanation. Ultimately, having answers about past endings can help us maintain our identity and learn something about the behaviour of ourselves and others.
This is partly the reason why we often feel like we are better at picking partners with age. Similarly, many elderly people take a more relaxed view about death than younger people — they have often lost several loved ones and have had to find closure in doing so. The need for closure exists on a scale — with some more prone to seek it than others.
Some people even have a desire to avoid closure at all cost. Vagueness has its advantages, as soon as you have established exactly what happened, you are also subject to criticism — from yourself and others. But even among people with a similar need for closure, what may be a satisfactory answer to one person will not be sufficient for another. When we are under stress for example, our need for closure increases.
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